There is a certain problem with a high-agenda life. It kills all the possibility of love between two beings. The reasoning is simple. Love comes about when you meet somebody without a need-to-complete-this or need-to-complete-that. Lest your mind is too occupied with agenda to be able to be with the other person.
What Space you meet people from?
When you meet people with an agenda, the other person has already become a means to an end. He is no longer an end in himself or herself. We never think about this one. Meeting people need not be transactional. Say for example you have a meeting with your financial planner. You already have a default set of things to discuss. He has another set of things that he too needs to update you about. It is with this mindset that you get into the meeting. Do you see that the space between the two of you is already crowded with lots of to-do’s?
When you meet him or her, you already see him or her as somebody you have to give lots of inputs to and receive lots of inputs from. Nothing wrong in this as long as this isn’t the only context.
What Space you should meet People from?
The ideal space is different. Pause a moment when you meet any person you have agenda with.
Exchange greetings. See him as a human being first. Ask him of his kids and his parents. Check with him if he is happy with his work. Give him enough genuine smiles.
He will automatically have a clear feeling that your relationship is beyond the transactional stuff that you are about to discuss. Once you are done with the purpose of the meet, again exchange greetings. End without agenda.
How to Transact in such a Space?
The problem is not with agenda, the problem is in beginning with an agenda and ending with the agenda. You can always have a no-agenda relationship with people whom you also have an agenda with. All it takes is to originally operate from our human connection and then let agenda take over for a while.
What can happen in such a Space?
Such a space has huge potential. The transactional relationship is just about dealing with a client or a vendor or associate or whatever. Here the affinity is to your work and not to the person. Here you weigh yourself down by being constantly bothered about protecting your interests and the tug-of-war that it ensues, which further dampens the connection that was already overwhelmed by agenda.
But a no-agenda relationship is about dealing with a friend. This context of friendship has a host of advantages. If you are a friend, you are already taken care of. The other person will always have your highest good at your heart. No more tug-of-war.
Isn’t that ideal? Stop coming from agenda; Come from love. Love is the answer.